Kids Today

Kids Today

I’d like to think I’m relatively hip(ster).  I get along with teenagers just fine.  It’s cool.  I get it.  I get that your parents don’t understand you.  I totally do, but there are a few things that you guys do that I simply do not understand.  Exhibit A: How young couples feel the need to be physically attached to each other at all times.

Now, I’m not saying this is a new thing.  Oh no.  I remember the days when my friends would have their hands in the back pockets of their significant other’s jeans.  I was there.  I saw it happen.  I guess we never thought it was such a big deal?  But apparently, it is a big deal!  Today, I look at teenagers as they clutch onto one another and I simply think–why?

As some of you may or may not know.  I live in a very “family centered” neighborhood of South Philly.  So yes, I come in contact with teenagers from time to time.  I usually wait for the bus directly across the street from the local grade school.  When the school isn’t in session, naturally, the teenagers loiter in the parking lot.  After all, loitering is what teenagers do best.  Well, I was waiting for the bus and saw a group of kids just hanging out on some cars.  I noticed there was a couple , and the boy hand his arms around his girlfriend’s waist–firmly placing his hands onto her ass.  That’s right.  Both palms.  Flat on her ass.

Weird.

Not only that, but the girl wrapped her arms around the boyfriend’s neck and buried her face into his chest.  Now, again, I know this is normal for teenagers.  I was totally fine with the couple leaning against the car groping one another.  Grop away kids!  You’re only 17 once.  Enjoy being young.

What really bothered me was what I saw next.

The entire group decided to move to the other side of the parking lot.  The couple, leaning on the car, realized that their friends were moving to another location.  Did they casually let go of one another?  Did they hold hands and move towards their friends?  No.  They held on.  That’s right.  They, as a couple (with their arms wrapped completely around each other), moved as one unit across the parking lot.

What.  The fuck.

Alright teenagers.  Let me ask you this.  Do you feel the need to have physical contact with your significant other all the time?  If so, why?  Girls, if you aren’t holding your boyfriends hand–is there some sort of tag rule in effect now?  Boys, are you afraid that if you don’t wrap your arm around your girlfriend’s waist she won’t make out with you later?  Am I missing something?

Kids, listen.  You don’t have to nuzzle each other in public.  You really don’t.  It’s cute when you guys hold hands, and I’ll allow the occasional ass grab (it reminds me of my youth), but please don’t try to morph into one another.  I can promise you that if you let go of your boyfriends hand he won’t run down the street and go make out with Ashley Velentina like you’ve always feared.  Chill guys.  Just chill.

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