No, you can not haz cheezburber— and no, I don’t want to hear you nom nom nom it down. Yes, you can have some of my candy, but no–you can not have “all of the” candy. “Y U NO LIKE MEME?!?”, you ask? No dear friend. It’s not that I don’t like the memes. Memes are like a big inside joke among geeks and the rest of the world isn’t cool enough to understand. What I am not amused by is the lack of grammar and the purposely-horrible spelling. When I hear a 20 year old speak, I expect some form of sentence structure. O RLY? Is that cute? No. Not really.
I will accept the usual short hand of w/ or w/o when it comes to the 140 character limit on twitter. I’ll even go so far as to allow your LOLs and BRBs. Standard shorthand while chatting on the web has become as common as words like “hello”. I will not tolerate the word pwned, pwnage, or any variation of the term. Don’t even think about uttering IRL. If you need to differentiate between your internet life and “real” life—I think you should put down the cheese curls and Mountain Dew, and start to get a little concerned with your social habits.
Totes are socks. The word is totally, which you probably shouldn’t be using anyway unless you’re living on the West Coast—or a 15 year old girl. Are you trying to get your Masters? No? Then I don’t want to hear that you fail! Also, I’m pretty sure there is no such thing as an epic fail in the United State’s grading system. Things like that are only yelled at to little Japanese children by their Tiger Moms.
We give the internet so much permission to control our lives. It tells us where to go. It helps us fall into various rabbit holes researching various useless topics. Don’t let internet language and grammar take away your ability t write and communicate like intelligent people. I can accept it in a joke, or plastered onto a colorful photo with a robin placed in the middle.
If you stop using this internet jargon I will take you seriously, not srsly. I can’t take it anymore! Fo realz!