I’ve been dealing with a lot of stressful career and financial issues over the past few weeks. Sometimes adulthood likes to bend me over and have it’s way with me, and I was certainly feeling that way as of late. It’s terrible when you’ve cut so many corners in your life in order to survive and you’re forced to cut even more. (Like food)
Well the clouds have parted (for now), and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. After catering to more important obligations first–like my mortgage and food–I decided it was time to get myself something. After all, I’d been working so hard to make ends meet I hardly had time to give Jo the love she deserves. That’s right ladies and gentlemen I decided to TREAT. YO. SELF. Now, I didn’t get myself any fine leather goods. I’m still being fiscally responsible. No, I got myself a new article of clothing for my vastly eclectic wardrobe. Ladies, I know you’re excited for me–and thank you for that. Guys, I know what you’re thinking. What a lame girl thing for Jo to say.
Now, hold your god damn horses jerks. I don’t think you understand the benefits of female wardrobe enhancement. In this particular case, let me tell you how the addition of this dress significantly contributed to my mental health in a positive way. Prior to owning this article of clothing my mood was compared to the likes of an awkward teenager trapped in a Catholic School. In short, I was fucking depressed. I felt like a loser, I knew I was out of shape, and I was wondering if my career would ever take off. Even though my financial situation improved I was still feeling a little Emo.
Once I laid eyes on this dress I had to try it on. It was classically cut with a delicate pocket placed over the heart, and I knew the high-waisted fit would suit my curves perfectly. To top it all off, there were little bunnies in adorable poses placed all over the dress. How can you not buy that shit? I quickly pulled the dress from the display floor to see that it was only $15. Holy shit. I had to try it on.
It was more than I expected. The dress fit my body perfectly. It accentuated my breasts while miraculously giving the illusion that I actually had an ass. My seamstress couldn’t make a dress that fit me better (I’m kidding Emily always makes me look amazing, but you get the point). My mood instantly lifted. This dress made me feel like I could walk into any room and instantly be the best dressed person there. I couldn’t wait to match it with the perfect pair of shoes. I imagined what kind of hair and makeup would go perfectly with this ensemble, and I salivated at the thought of that trendy Instagram photo I would snap of myself.
So you see? When a woman buys themselves something that makes them look good they instantly feel better. It’s a form of therapy that no one should criticize, not even Tom Cruise. So ladies, if you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps buy yourself something that will make you feel better. After all, we are a nation of consumers and capitalism. It’s the materialistic things in life that will make us truly happy–not the interpersonal relationships with our friends and family.